The Adopted Toddler

I think there is sort of an unspoken rule of thumb when it comes to adopting children. The younger the better. Wouldn’t it be great if every orphan was adopted in infancy? Great for the child and even better for the adopting family.

Why is that? For me it was the fear of adopting a child who had already picked up orphanage behaviors, a child who had already learned not to bond too closely to one person, a child whose early intervention window was closing fast. And besides, toddlers and prekindergarteners are just not as cute as babies... right?

Babies are easy to fall in love with. It is simple to forget that you did not birth this tiny bundle. The blank slate is still yours to decorate. Crying fits, loaded diapers, and throw up are just plain more acceptable when the perpetrator is a twelve pound mass of adorable.

But I have news for you... adopting a young child, a walking and talking child, has its own unique set of joys and amazements. Because, you see, there are “firsts” awaiting this child that bio children blow through at much younger stages, much less expressive stages.

Take the bathtub for example... Masha was afraid of water. I can only assume that bath time for her had been just another caretaker chore at the orphanage. Maybe she was made to stand up and sprayed or had water poured over her. Maybe she was held tight so she couldn’t escape a hair washing even when water got in her eyes. Whatever the case, bath time and play time were not synonymous. But they are now. Watching Masha conquer her fear and become enamored with the tub has been a delight for all of us. Even the boys are awestruck as she log rolls round and round, face under, face up, like a little seal.

Or take food... everyone of my children has hit the “Ewww, I won’t eat that” stage, which seems to be lasting years for some of them. But not Masha. It is a pleasure to watch her enjoy a freshly chopped tomato, or experience grapefruit for probably the first time in her life. She is so willing to eat good healthy food... while the others are complaining, she is digging in. I say, “Masha is it good?” and she says, “Uh huh.” She is the chef’s favorite child.



But my favorite “first” for Masha is her response to affection. In the beginning she allowed us to hold her, hug her, and kiss her. She would give a kiss if told to. She would come to us for “playful” affection... to be picked up and swung around. Over time, her understanding of human touch has expanded and blossomed. Now she seeks out hugs and kisses. Now she climbs into my lap and rests against me, calmly enjoying our closeness. Now she asks to be rocked to sleep at night.

Did she come with some orphanage behaviors? Oh yes she did. She can dress herself, put on her own shoes and coat, and undress herself as well. She craves routine. She cleans up after herself (Oh Lordy, do ya think Vorzel might want a few more orphans for a while?) She does not bite, scratch, or pull hair.

Is she perfect? No, of course not. But the point is that adopting a toddler has some sweet surprises that do not come along with an infant. Not sure you believe me? Go get one of your own and you’ll see, lol!

Sharing Some Love

Recently I wrote a post for TheHighCalling.org as part of their orphan care series. It is titled, 5 Unexpected Ways You Can Help Orphans. Below is an excerpt...

We all know they're out there, far across the oceans, or maybe even in our own backyards... Babies, toddlers, teenagers who for whatever reason are alone in this world. Orphans, with no one connected to them by blood, or law, they move through their lives at the mercy of those presently in charge of them. Next month, next year, or tomorrow, the crib they occupy could be given to another as they are moved to a different environment. Imagine a childhood made up of such instability, where nothing and no one belongs to you.

I could never find a comfortable place in my mind for these “waiting children” (as they are referred to by adoption agencies), and thus, I neglected to act on their behalf. I forgot about them in my daily life. After all, it was too depressing to contemplate hundreds of thousands of innocent, unwanted children.

Then one day, I stumbled onto a website that had pictures of children available for adoption. I saw a little girl with Down syndrome and pony tails. She was holding a doll. Her expression was hauntingly empty. She suddenly became so real to me that I hurt for her. I wanted her to have a family, but what could I really do about it?

Read on...

Little Girls Update

I wish I could find the time to blog about everything Masha and Autumn are doing and experiencing, but really, this is an intense time for me... trying to take care of all my little ones, work, and keep my house up... and oh yes, be a wife. So I’ll just share some slices of our life with you.

Autumn:
She is sitting up on her own and holding her bottle by herself, two big milestones. Her medicine seems to be helping and she is gaining weight. When she came home she was in 3 month clothes and now she is just moving into 9 month outfits. She enjoys peek-a-boo and will make the b sound when it is time to say “boo”. She claps, and throws her arms up when you say “hooray” to her. And when Autumn laughs, you have to laugh with her because she sounds like a squeaky toy.







And if you have forgotten how beautiful Miss Autumn’s eyes are, here is a little reminder...



Masha:
She loves school, no doubt about it. She participates in everything and has even started pool therapy there. Her ability to understand English amazes us. Masha can say and sign so many words... she has no trouble making herself understood.





Masha sings and dances, her favorite song is ring-around-the-rosie but she only sings the “ashes ashes” part and then says “po” which is Ukrainian or Russian for something falling down. (Every time something falls Masha announces “po”). I think it is cute how she translated the song into something she is able to say. When I say Masha dances, I mean she loves music and dances to it instantly when it comes on. She is so funny... the girl has moves. It is even funnier when she takes whatever toy she is holding and turns it into a microphone and starts singing along while she dances.



Masha is a helper. She clears the table after dinner... not just her own plate but anything she can find ends up in the sink. She retrieves the baby’s bottle and Kimani’s bottles and gives them back to the girls. She brushes my hair and tries to brush Kimani’s hair. Masha will scream and cry if anyone makes a mess around her, as in when Kimani dumps over a laundry basket or throws her plate. Without my asking Masha brings me a diaper when Kimani is sitting on the potty, and she gets the right kind (all three girls have different diapers).



Masha is a cross-dresser... either that or she is a super hero. She always takes the boys undies and puts them on over her pants. This child is so entertaining.



Masha does her own hair... and then plays a little music for us.





As I said, there is so much more... everyday I wish I could write about adoption, what I see and how I feel (the good and the bad), but for now, for this season, pictures and tidbits will have to do.

Will He Ever Feel What She Felt?

For nearly three years, Peter has been waiting. Waiting all day, waiting all night... He waits for expert medical care, he waits for attention, he waits for someone to come and take him out of his crib, he waits for someone to play with him, to teach him, to guide his development. But above all, he waits for this...

(Peach and her new daddy in the Vorzel Baby House #2 visiting room)

Will Peter ever know the security of a father’s arms wrapped around him? Will he ever feel the rhythmic peace of his daddy’s heartbeat thudding in his ear? If Patti over at A Perfect Lily has her way he will. She is hosting a pure love giveaway to raise awareness about Peter so that his forever family will find him and have a full adoption grant to cover the cost of saving his life.

Donate even just $10 between now and Feb. 10 and you will be a part of changing this child’s future... you will also be entered into a drawing to win an iPad, a Nikon D90 digital camera, or one of lots of other awesome prizes.

Pictures Galore

I think it is safe to say that Masha is no longer afraid of the tub.




Santa is one lucky dude.




Masha making waffles...




Who knew reflux could be this cute?




The purple snow queen... hates snow.




She would much rather stay inside and paint.




And party...




Static fun in Masha’s new tent...




Yeah, baby, now that’s a stocking!




My Christmas doll...




It’s just what I always wanted...




Double trouble in Kimani’s crib




It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her “ma-linky” (which is what those Ukrainian sales ladies said to me everytime I picked up a cute shirt or a pair of skinny jeans.)




My cutie-pie...




Masha feeding her baby doll...




Decorating the Christmas tree...




Forget it sweetie, you will never fit in Autumn’s onesies.




Nothing beats laughter...

Dear Ukrainian Lawmakers,

Two of your Ukrainian babies are my daughters now. I know you want what is best for them because I spent 7 weeks in your beautiful country and visited the orphanage in Vorzel numerous times.

My girls were so well cared for... dressed in clean appropriate clothing, in clean diapers and they had clean hands and faces. Their baby houses were clean and their caretakers were working hard. My girls were loved by their doctors, their caretakers, and the facilitator and translator we used to complete our adoption. One of my girls was even lucky enough to have paternal grandparents who visited her regularly and showered her with the love of family. These girls had the best your orphan system has to offer.

But you know, as I know, that they were living this life on borrowed time. Eventually (and not too far off for my older girl) the day of transfer would come. A simple birthday would change everything they had ever known and life in a mental institution would ensue.

In their cases, before that fateful day arrived, you allowed them the privilege of a forever family in the United States. I do believe that it was brave of you to let them go far across the ocean to a world you know only through negative press. I promise you it was the right thing to do for them.

Now they have everything they had before and more. The children they play with everyday will always be with them, even as adults. Their caretakers are now a mama and papa who will always care for them. Their bedrooms, their toys, their books and clothes will always be theirs even after they turn four years old. They now have the security of a family, and family is for always.

So on December 16th as you consider voting to close down the international adoption program, think about the one thing your system cannot provide, the one thing that money and laws cannot grant an orphaned child, the greatest gift that adoption gives to a child... ALWAYS. Please don’t vote to close the door on the blessing of forever families for your orphans.

Thank you,
Masha and Autumn’s mama & papa

Birthday Baby News

Autumn is one. This is still pretty unbelievable to me. She is just so tiny.

For her birthday celebration she enjoyed an ice cream cake and a shiny pink balloon. I think it is safe to say that Autumn has never before tasted ice cream or felt the icy sweet coldness of it on her tongue. She was very motivated to feed it to herself. And yes, when all was said and done, she puked it up.







She has started reflux medication but it is only helping a little bit. I am not so sure reflux is the real problem. Autumn has very low muscle tone and the esophagus is a muscle. Every time she burps, or stuffs her thumb in her mouth, the contents of her stomach bubble up because her muscles are not working to keep the door shut. The fact that Autumn is an avid thumb-sucker exacerbates the situation. I have taken to keeping her left arm out of its sleeve, tucked against her, with the empty sleeve wrapped behind her... straight-jacket fashion. But she refuses to fall asleep like this, so at nap and bedtime I give in and let her have it back.



Autumn’s early intervention evaluation indicated that she would benefit from physical therapy, speech therapy, and special education. Last Thursday was her first session, PT. She loved it. She is a tummy time baby. (I am guessing that the Ukrainians don’t subscribe to the “back-to-sleep” paranoia like we do because Autumn is a hard core belly sleeper.) Autumn showed us that she can stretch far to retrieve a toy, that her lower abs work beautifully so long as you hold her hips and thighs firmly, and that sitting up is not so far off. I am really proud of how hard she works and how little protesting she does during it.

















My baby girl knows I am her mama now. She will track me with her eyes when other people are holding her and she will reach out to me if I come near. Her whole body does the love wiggle when I smile at her. And though she babbles “da da da” consistently, she can say “ma ma ma” which always makes me happy.



Autumn loves to eat. She will eat most anything and is getting better at taking a spoon as well as chewing. She doesn’t seem to have any texture aversions. She loves mashed bananas and whole fat French vanilla yogurt, pureed black bean soup, and mashed sweet potatoes. If I wipe her mouth or move her bowl out of her sight, she will cry. In fact, if anything at all makes her think the meal is over, she will cry.



And speaking of crying, she has the sweetest, saddest cry ever. Her facial expression freezes up and then her lips start to tighten into a line as her face turns pink. After a couple of silent seconds (warming up) a trill rolls out of her and the drops start to slide down her cheeks. Then it is just soft “waaas” until you give her whatever it is she wants. With a darling cry like that, it will be hard not to spoil her.